The pendulum swings a little again, back to advocating engagement with an addicted individual...all part of the process; but let's not throw out the baby with the bathwater.
Sometimes we feel compelled by our maternal/paternal instincts to "save". We are human after all. No shame. The CRAFT ideology is sound and useful at these times for both family member and substance abuser.
"Detachment with love", however, still has its place at that moment when we allow ourselves to cross a line; when our moral sense of self- preservation is debased and sacrificed, we have an obligation to ourselves to turn away and re-commit to our holy nature.
Remember, Al-Anon states clearly that it is not a program to fix the addict. Suggestions are made, without any guarantee, of how to respond to an addict's behavior, however the primary goal is the recovery and well-being of the Al-Anon member, not the Alcoholic (addict).
I have been doing this dance of advance and retreat now for 7 years with my beautiful son who became addicted. All we can ever do is be true to ourselves while integrating the best knowledge available to us.
Today is a good day, because we are both alive, and get to keep dancing.
The CRAFT approach is like an etiquette guide for dealing with addicts, yet its goals are much more ambitious.
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